A summary, and gratitude.
It’s been many many months.
In the last year I have completely fallen apart and had to put myself back together again and start all over. It has not been fun. It has not been easy.
I lost my best friend. The man I love said he loves someone else. I was completely alone.
I fell into an empty abyss. I lost all awareness and sense of self. I stopped eating. I stopped sleeping. I lost 40 pounds, maybe in part from shedding constant tears.
I had to seek medical help. I had to seek mental help.
I didn’t know if I would survive it.
But.
I did.
I’m here.
I’m, as they say, Medicated and Motivated.
I sought help, and i got it.
Love and compassion poured out from my family and friends.
I started manifesting.
I created a better reality and relationship with my family.
I created more friends in my life.
I created a kind lover in my life.
I have rediscovered the woman I was before I met Ryan.
I have reminded myself what I wanted, with or without him.
I let myself morph to fit into his narrative because I loved him – and yes, I would do it again in a heart beat. Given a million chances to start over, knowing how it would end, I would still choose him every time. I would savor every one of his laughs, every single kiss.
But this is the path we are on. I don’t believe the journey is over. I think this is a long story. And thats ok. Some of my favorite books come with a surprise twist toward the end. But of course, that won’t be our end either.
While I wait, i can still hear his voice, i can still feel him lying next to me. But, also while i wait, i enjoy the warmth of someone else while in their arms. He’s a good man too. And there is love and happiness here too. And thats ok.
My weekends have become so full with fun and friends that by Sunday night both my energy and my bank account are on empty – and it’s good. I couldn’t do that with Ryan.
So I have decided to b grateful. So I will continue to focus on the gratitude of what I have in front of me now, and not worry about what I lost. Because I will find it again.
Life is a long time.
What I am grateful for this week:
Leann
Lisa
Mae
Emily
Amanda
Ginny
Anthony
Evan
Mallorie
Karen
Winston
Tonks
My new couch
The Circle
The Spice Girls
Amber
iced coffee
Laundry in my house
cooler temperatures
riding my bike
Lake Michigan
riding my bike along Lake Michigan
Charlotte Tilbury Mini Hollywood Flawless Filter
my Libby library app
My mom
Emma
Gina
Olivia
My TIKTOK following.
my shoes
my new cute outfits
peanut butter and jelly sandwhiches
indian food
Apricot LaCroix
Karen&Georgia
My job
my coworkers
My healthy skin
My new Welbutrin!
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This week I’m reading:
This week I’m listening to:
Things I've Seen and Heard 